MOCK TRIAL

[mostwantedfrog]

[Once the house has been thoroughly investigated, Constantine appears again, his pet penguin following close behind him.]

You have found all that you have needed? Excellent. Now, you must come with me to the basement--it is time for a trial.

[He hops away, and if you follow him into the basement, you'll notice that the boarded-up hole in the wall has been cleared away to reveal a winding tunnel. It's not very big--the humans might have to crawl in order to get in. Once you've gotten through the tunnel, you'll find yourself in a massive cave, filled with stalactites and stalagmites. Boober might recognize it. The rocks here have been haphazardly rearranged to resemble a circular trial room. Constantine himself jumps up onto a very high stack of rocks off to the side, staying out of harm's reach.]

Now, your job is to find whoever killed--eugh, what was her name--Carolina or something. The chicken. If you find out who did it and vote for them, the murderer will be destroyed, and you will all go free. But if you get it wrong, which I am fully expecting....

[Constantine chuckles to himself.]

I will destroy you all, and finally take my revenge on all you Mappets.

[He sits back a little, waiting for the discussion to start.]

[TRIAL START!]

Comments

[mostwantedfrog]

I do not care if you do not think it is fair, little girl. It is much more exciting for me.

[biggerbadge]

[He seems a bit taken aback by that.]

You fiend-!

[mostwantedfrog]

Call me names all you like, you cannot change my mind. I will get my revenge, one way or another.

[its_not_fair]

Revenge?! But I didn't do anything to you! Why do you want revenge on me?

[mostwantedfrog]

You have come to this reunion, thus, you are associated with the Mappets. Even if you are not a Mappet yourself, you have the chance of helping them and being nice with them. Thus, you must be destroyed.

[its_not_fair]

Destroyed for being nice?! But that doesn't even make any sense!

[you poor innocent child...]

[mostwantedfrog]

I am not nice. It does not have to make sense to you.

[its_not_fair]

No... You're a monster

[muppetlabs]

[Towards Sarah-]

He's tried that before, but was unsuccessful had it not been for my invention.

Isn't that right, Mr. Constantine?

[mostwantedfrog]

Yes, I--

[Record scratch. Constantine coughs loudly.]

Who? Ah, you mean my very handsome, extremely successful criminal doppelganger. No, Dr. Melon Man, it is I, your good friend Kermit.

[muppetlabs]

Oh yeah? Then prove it by answering this question:

What's the name of my beloved assistant?

[mostwantedfrog]

That is easy, of course, it is...it is...

[...]

...Beanken. Little Beanken.

[biggerbadge]

That is not Constantine. That is obviously Count Olaf in disguise.

Lmao

[its_not_fair]

Constantine?!

[mostwantedfrog]

I do not know any Counts, besides the one on the Sesame Street. But if this Count Olaf is competent enough, he will work for me eventually.

[biggerbadge]

Monsuier, would you mind showing us your ankle?

[mostwantedfrog]

What is special about ankle? I have no reason to show it to you.

[biggerbadge]

If my hypothesis is correct, you will have a tattoo of an eye there.

[asksforsolittle]

Whoever this Count of yours is, I'd outrank him anyway. And I say we should discuss the evidence I know we have, instead of the evidence you only guess we might.

[mostwantedfrog]

What? Who would have tattoo of eye on ankle? Froggy skin is very delicate, I would not have tattoo there.

[tobeginwith]

What if we pay you? Can we see your ankles then?

[mostwantedfrog]

No. I cannot be bought like one of your cheap chicken girls.

[theabjectauthor]

[outside, a broad-shouldered, heavily bundled man is trudging through the snow. even in the basement, his holler can faintly be heard, because man, Patrick Warburton's voice carries]

NO, IT IS NOT. THIS IS THE ENTIRELY WRONG FRANCHISE FOR THAT, SIR. I AM JUST A CAMEO APPEARANCE, A PHRASE WHICH HERE MEANS SOMEONE GRATUITOUSLY PASSING BY FOR THE SAKE OF A JOKE.

[and then he just keeps going]

[itsthecount]

[Meanwhile, in Progress City, Jerry Mander shudders.]

[muppetlabs]