MOCK TRIAL

[mostwantedfrog]

[Once the house has been thoroughly investigated, Constantine appears again, his pet penguin following close behind him.]

You have found all that you have needed? Excellent. Now, you must come with me to the basement--it is time for a trial.

[He hops away, and if you follow him into the basement, you'll notice that the boarded-up hole in the wall has been cleared away to reveal a winding tunnel. It's not very big--the humans might have to crawl in order to get in. Once you've gotten through the tunnel, you'll find yourself in a massive cave, filled with stalactites and stalagmites. Boober might recognize it. The rocks here have been haphazardly rearranged to resemble a circular trial room. Constantine himself jumps up onto a very high stack of rocks off to the side, staying out of harm's reach.]

Now, your job is to find whoever killed--eugh, what was her name--Carolina or something. The chicken. If you find out who did it and vote for them, the murderer will be destroyed, and you will all go free. But if you get it wrong, which I am fully expecting....

[Constantine chuckles to himself.]

I will destroy you all, and finally take my revenge on all you Mappets.

[He sits back a little, waiting for the discussion to start.]

[TRIAL START!]

Comments

[muppetlabs]

Oh yeah? Then prove it by answering this question:

What's the name of my beloved assistant?

[mostwantedfrog]

That is easy, of course, it is...it is...

[...]

...Beanken. Little Beanken.

[biggerbadge]

That is not Constantine. That is obviously Count Olaf in disguise.

Lmao

[its_not_fair]

Constantine?!

[mostwantedfrog]

I do not know any Counts, besides the one on the Sesame Street. But if this Count Olaf is competent enough, he will work for me eventually.

[biggerbadge]

Monsuier, would you mind showing us your ankle?

[mostwantedfrog]

What is special about ankle? I have no reason to show it to you.

[biggerbadge]

If my hypothesis is correct, you will have a tattoo of an eye there.

[asksforsolittle]

Whoever this Count of yours is, I'd outrank him anyway. And I say we should discuss the evidence I know we have, instead of the evidence you only guess we might.

[biggerbadge]

Rank doesn’t matter here. Not when we are in a hostage situation.

[asksforsolittle]

Even so, does it matter if he's this count, or Constantine, or whatever? Names don't negate guilt.

[mostwantedfrog]

What? Who would have tattoo of eye on ankle? Froggy skin is very delicate, I would not have tattoo there.

[its_not_fair]

Why does it matter who he is? It doesn't change the fact that he's trying to kill us!

[biggerbadge]

It simply sheds some light on the situation.

[biggerbadge]

Prove it.

[mostwantedfrog]

Fine, if you are so insistent on me proving I am not this Count man. I will prove I am Keermit the Frog.

[He backflips onto the ground, to give Jean a better view. There are, unfortunately, no eye tattoos on either of his ankles. Maybe he's just hiding it with some green make-up.]

Now, can I get back to plotting your demise?

[biggerbadge]

Oh. Yes, of course, Kermit.

[mostwantedfrog]

Thank you.

[He backflips right on back to his perch.]

[asksforsolittle]

I thought you said he was---

You know what, nevermind. Let's just find the bloody murderer.

[and then something clicks]

Whoever killed her would have gotten blood on them.

[tobeginwith]

Or they took a shower and changed clothes afterwards because they're a self-respecting individual who values being clean.

[tobeginwith]

What if we pay you? Can we see your ankles then?

[mostwantedfrog]

No. I cannot be bought like one of your cheap chicken girls.

[theabjectauthor]

[outside, a broad-shouldered, heavily bundled man is trudging through the snow. even in the basement, his holler can faintly be heard, because man, Patrick Warburton's voice carries]

NO, IT IS NOT. THIS IS THE ENTIRELY WRONG FRANCHISE FOR THAT, SIR. I AM JUST A CAMEO APPEARANCE, A PHRASE WHICH HERE MEANS SOMEONE GRATUITOUSLY PASSING BY FOR THE SAKE OF A JOKE.

[and then he just keeps going]

[itsthecount]

[Meanwhile, in Progress City, Jerry Mander shudders.]

[muppetlabs]